Thursday, October 05, 2006

"Jesus walks with him."

The raison d'etre of Scoopwatch is to draw attention to the atrocious writing and analysis of one Robert "Scoop" Jackson in the hope that either (1) he will ditch his Scoopbo act and start putting some effort into his columns, or (2) ESPN will drop him. Of course, I realize that Scoopwatch is but a lowly single-issue narcissite in a roiling sea of cyber-chatter and, as such, it lacks the power to achieve its goals. Which is where the secondary purpose comes in: puerile, self-indulgent venting. But sometimes even I am left speechless by Scoop's more ... how to put it politely ... insane drivel.

Like this piece, to which a commenter kindly drew my attention. It's from SLAM, not ESPN, so it is arguably ultra vires for Scoopwatch, but it is too good (awful?) to ignore.

Caveat lector: As I said, it is from SLAM. Anyone reading SLAM knows what they're getting, and get's what they deserve.

I will withhold comment for fear of violating all rules of civility, except to say that "He woulda saveth us" is a first-ballot Scoopism.

Ok, one more comment (I'm bursting, here): "Michael Redd sees past all the superficiality, fights the temptations of superstar-ism . . ." This only a short page after Redd is described thus: "A black left gator steps out, followed by a long black sable. Around the man’s neck, a cross. 58 Van Cleef & Arpel diamonds, set in David Yurman platinum. Those are 6.22 carats. Total weight? Only God knows." About those temptations of superstar-ism, Scoop . . .

Oh, and I can't resist drawing particular attention to this dog's breakfast of pseudo-poetry, pop-religiosity, and banality:

This has nothing to do with basketball. Not really. It has nothing to do with religion. It really has nothing to do with God. What it—Michael Redd’s life captured in this room—has to do with is faith. Blind faith. Unconditional faith. Internal faith. For leaders come not just in different forms but in times of need. As much as Michael Redd may have been sent here to save the Milwaukee Bucks franchise and possibly save the 2008 US Olympic Team and even NBA basketball internationally, he has also been sent here to save the men who can’t get into players-only parking lots.

You know what, Scoop? I think you've topped yourself. That paragraph may actually be blasphemous.


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