Every radical needs a manifesto, and, because Scoop sees himself as a journalistic radical (everyone else sees him as a lazy journalistic lightweight, but that's beside the point) he's published his own manifesto.
I'm not sure about this, but I believe that the Scoop Manifesto was actually Scoop's first column for ESPN.com. I sure hope it was, because I couldn't imagine a better introduction to his Scoopness. It's so good, in fact, that you only need to read the first four lines to understand the literary train-wreck that is Scoop Jackson. Actually, train-wreck doesn't do Scoop's mangled idiom justice. And four lines is all you're going to get, because the rest is hidden behind the ESPN Insider firewall. For which we can all be grateful.
Without further ado, Scoop, in his own words:
They asked me to intro self. To take 900 words to explain I.
Well, first off – I is not that important. I am just a writer from Slam, XXL, NBA and Nike who found his way into ESPN's backdoor. Lucked up. Spit a few verbs, convinced 'em that Stephen A. wasn't the only one.
Oh sweet heaven! You can't parody this. It's not even slang, because nobody talks like this. And it's cringe-inducingly self-conscious, because you don't get a masters degree in journalism (which Scoop is quick to remind everyone he has) by "spit[ting] a few verbs" at the professors. At least I sincerely hope you don't. So we can assume that Scoop has consciously chosen to write the way he does. The question, then, is why? Posing? Yes. Marketing? Certainly (it did land him the ESPN gig). Laziness? Let's charitably assume so.
Whatever the reason, the results are priceless. All hail Scoop and his manifesto. The silliest since Charlie Marx and Freddie Engels released their dangerous nonsense on an unsuspecting world.