Monday, September 11, 2006

Scoop-induced anger.

Scoopwatch doesn't actually dislike Scoop Jackson. We mean the man no personal ill will. Scoopwatch is only interested in accountability. And cheap jibes. Gotta have the cheap jibes.

But others aren't so kind. Case in point [Warning: crude language]:

And now, for my 2005 DUMB**** OF THE YEAR…And the winner is: SCOOP JACKSON!Oh how I loathe Scoop. For those not in the know, Scoop was introduced to this year as a new Page 2 writer. He’s a lot like Bill Simmons, but without proper English. And the white. And the good.

Scoop’s idea of a column is to find a current topic in sports—preferably in the NBA, since that’s the only league anybody watches—find something even remotely racist, and run it into the ground with cool hip-hop lingo that only he undertands. When he referred to Chicago as “the Crilla” in his second column, I asked two Chicagoans and two black dudes if they knew what “Crilla” meant. All four of them looked at me like I just asked them if they wanted to have a three-way with those two fat broads on the Food Network.

Scoop came to ESPN from the illustrious Slam! Magazine, which, in terms of worldwide readership, makes Points in Case look like the King James Bible. He also owns a lot of sneakers, which I guess is important.

Scoop has never said a negative word about any black guy, including, are you ready? Ron Artest. Yup, Scoop wrote an entire column praising the NBA’s resident psychopath. [SW: Yet another reason for me to shell out the $39 for ESPN Insider.] He also playa-hated all those people who could care less about the Chicago White Sox winning the World Series, but is all aboard the bandwagon for not caring about the New England Patriots because they don’t have any stars.

To be fair, I haven’t liked this guy from the start. I remember seeing his dwarfish facade on, as if they had somehow reigned in the next Grantland Rice. I decided to give him a chance and read his “Scoop Manifesto” presented here for your pleasure (it helps to have a background knowledge of sports for those who hate following hyperlinks). What pissed me off the most? You guessed it. This line: “I believe the New England Patriots stopped believing in themselves and won their last Super Bowl.”

Keep in mind he said this only a couple short months after Tedy Bruschi nearly died of a stroke. But I guess it doesn’t matter because Bruschi is white. And you may wonder what one has to do with the other. Well, if someone wrote a disparaging piece about the Indy Colts right now, Scoop would throw a shit fit, praising Lord Dungy and neatly forgetting his tendency to choke in the big game. (And yes, I’ll be more than happy to write a disparaging piece about the Colts, just give me a deadline.)

So there you have it, the 2005 Dumb**** of the Year, a blatant racist and a lousy writer (stop smirking). Oh yeah, and in case you’re wondering, I’m applying to in the next couple of weeks and have every intention of using this as my writing sample.


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